Monday, May 17, 2010
How will I ever get enough followers and make millions from blogging if I never update?
I promise there is an update coming.
I have loads to write about.
I just have zero time.
However, it is the last week of school and I foresee myself having LOADS of free time in the near future. :-)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I swear she was clean 5 minutes prior to this. She just prefers to rock the garbage pail kid look.
Who wears both flip flops anyway?
BF numero uno...aint she purdy?
Daddy Toast is kinda purdy, too:)
She was all tuckered out from the dance party we were having. French Toast can pop, lock, and drop it like WHOA!!
Ciao for now!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Seeeeeee, I was raised Catholic. I could have been the poster child for what a good Catholic girl should have looked like. Remember this poster?
Of course you do. Who doesn't, right? Well, put her in a blue plaid jumper, penny loafers, hair perfectly braided, and change the tag line to "I pink puffy heart Jesus" and that was me. I attended a private Catholic elementary school complete with nuns that used rulers as weapons, religion class was a core subject, and mass was required twice a week. In my teenage years, instead of going to field parties and drinking warm cheap beer, I went on youth group trips to Colorado. Oh but friends don't let that fool you. I still teased those youth group boys in TRUE Catholic school girl fashion. One in particular, who shall remain nameless:) ANYWAY, my point is this....Catholicism has been shoved down my throat since birth.
Daddy Toast is a different story. He'll tell you that he grew up Methodist. Then he'll tell you that his family has been in and out of the Catholic church. Then he'll tell you, "Well, I believe in like the water, wind, earth, multiple spirit guides and blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc." I seriously picture him with hair down to his ass and a tye-dyed shirt on when he tells me that. Daddy Toast, would you like some granola? And believe it or not, the man has been "baptized" in every religion. This, of course, happened during his high school years when he did the religious version of "homie hopping". He would date a girl, go to her church, get "baptized", then he would break up with said girl and her church.....Rinse, Lather, Repeat. To his credit though, at least he has had the opportunity to experience what other religions have to offer and now knows what he DOESN'T want.
But can you see my dilemma?
We have not taken this lightly. We have gone to a Catholic church and weeeeeelllllll..... let's just say that Daddy Toast didn't enjoy the spiritual aerobics that were involved. We were married in a Methodist church but I was a little turned off because the pastor talked about erotic love in a very creeper sort of fashion during the ceremony. I mean, really?!?!....Who does that?!?!?......Recently, we have EVEN contemplated going to a local church that most refer to as a "cult" but I think it's all the hip thrusting and and off key singing that puts people off. Who knows? The whole thing gives me a migraine the size of Texas.
Until I opened my e-mail the other day......
Right at the top of my junk e-mail list was a message from this website. In said e-mail was the religious quote of the day. Wanna know what it said?
Let me tell ya friends. I felt like the clouds had parted, in a deep voice God spoke to me, angels rejoiced and I HAD BEEN SAVED!!!
..............Okay, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic but I did have an "aha" moment.
I finally realized that it doesn't really matter what church the Toast family goes to. Eventually, we will find one that suits both myself and Daddy Toast. Until then, we just need to build our own relationship with the big guy upstairs.
and who knows......
MAYBE someday I'll feel compelled to wear a tye-dyed shirt and eat granola:)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Why, you ask?
It's because on the first day of school every teacher wants the entire class to play the "Get To Know Your Neighbor" game. What a silly game, right? I mean isn't that what recess is for? Anyway, I dreaded playing that game because I was scared out of my Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls to get up in front of a crowd. I never knew what to say or do and like any child that has insecurity issues, I resorted to sarcasm. So, I would crack a joke (usually one that my parents never intended for me to hear), make a complete ass out of myself, annnnnd get the stink eye from my teacher. Cute, right?
Well, that is kind of the feeling I have about starting a blog. I love to talk and anyone that is forced to.....I mean chooses to love me will tell you that I have a lot to say. However, I'm new to blogging and the thought of writing this first entry took me back to elementary school. What do I say? Do I have to be funny? Is anyone even going to read this? Those questions have kept me from starting this for 6 months. And then one day I decided that none of that crap really mattered. I didn't have any hardship in my life to write about that would result in mass hits to my blog and donations through my Paypal account. Nor would I ever be as cool as The Pioneer Woman and write about artery clogging but delicious cooking. (Although, I bet my cooking could kick her cooking's spatula right out of the kitchen.)
As a result, I have come to the conclusion that my blog will only consist of three things.
1.) A LOT of dry sarcastic humor and jokes.
2.) TONS of asshatery on my part.
3.) Enough stink eyes from my friends and family to clear a room.
(I mean did you really have a choice?)
So, allow me to introduce myself........
My name is..........
I mean I have a real name but it is soooooo uncool. Also, let's be honest. The interwebz is a scary place so who knows who will read this and try to stalker me. So, from here on out I will refer to myself as Momma Toast. Wierd, right? Not so much. Those that know me very well in my real life understand the play on words. That's right. Chuckle a little bit because you know that shit was creative. :) I married Daddy Toast in 2007 and we welcomed French Toast at the end of 2008. I like to think of myself as a self proclaimed college student. I received my Bachelor's degree after seven loooooog years (*insert stink eye here*) but I have recently discovered my love for being in the classroom. Hopefully, the certification process doesn't take quite so long. Most days I am just your average 20-something trying to make the transition from college frat parties and football to play dates and mortgages. Other days I feel like things are spinning out of control. In all actuality, that is why I wanted to start this blog. Even if no one reads this and no one cares, I will have an outlet to turn to.
And who knows......
.....maybe I will be cooler than the Pioneer Woman.:)